Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Komodo vs. Cobra

I'll admit it, disaster is not my genre. I prefer action-adventure. But I may just change my mind. If I do, you can blame Komodo vs. Cobra.

I'm flipping along past the sci-fi channel and there's a huge komodo dragon and three scared people standing in a river and the old guy says... "Don't move! Whatever you do don't move!" Seeing as komodo dragons are big on eating carrion I find this rather confusing. Does dead stuff run away? Or do they just not want the big lizard to get tired before it eats? One guy runs and gets eaten.

Cut to a scene with a guy in uniform with hair over his ears.

So I go make dinner and come back to my puter for the next installment.

A bunch of highly photogenic young people with backpacks along with an even more photogenic reporter and camera-man enter a huge house to find that no one is there. The camera man goes outside for a smoke (Don't do it! You're gonna get eaten!). An incredibly cute brunette with a gun appears and tells them they all should leave. Oh, no... they're from Earth First and they are going to expose the military secret! So there! She says they should all go, if they've got a boat. And I'm thinking... why is she there arguing instead of half-way to the lagoon? They've got a boat! Survival is apparently not this lady's forte. Oh, well, screaming ensues as they are interrupted by the consumption of the camera-man by the giant snake.

My husband gets home so I go show him where dinner is and return to my puter and the mind-numbing terror.

More time with the military guys with the bad hair. Oh, they plan to take care of the problem by killing everyone on the island. Obviously.

OH WOW... we find out that Komodo dragon saliva is highly toxic... (bah, it's the rotting flesh in their teeth, people die of infections from it.) We shouldn't have messed with nature!

Wow, the peace-niks sure seem to carry a lot of fire power. The reluctant scientist bullied by the military at the beginning was armed as well.

I don't know how many people have been eaten by now but even these huge creatures should be finding a place to lie in the sun and digest... but it's night and cool so they are less active. Whew... maybe the people will get away.

Ooops... more people get eaten. Boat is gone. Now they need to find a different way.

Now it's night, time for everyone to get all introspective... OH PLEASE can we get back to eating people?

Ooooo.... reckless men have transgressed the boundaries of nature. Can't have that. Nature is best you know.

Military guys again... underling is starting to show some spine in the face of the murderous 3 star general with the bad hair... future insubordination to save the lives of civilians is not assured.

LOL! The "straight from high school to boot camp" former Airborn Ranger is/was a Captain. Oh, and I should mention that he could do voice-overs for Sylvester Stalone.

Yay! They're in the water again, so maybe someone will get eaten. SNAKE, SNAKE, Oh no it's a SNAKE. Oh, well, false alarm. It's just giant leaches. Ewww. So is the guy going to bleed to death from the anti-coagulent? Nah. Would it be too nit picky of me to point out that the bite wounds are the wrong shape? I can see not getting military advisors for the movie, but how about a biologist?

Uh Oh... the enlargement matrix can be passed by mosquitos. All creatures can get huge. When do we get the 50 foot woman? Scientist lady who worked on it says, "unknown"... like I said, she's got no concept of survival whatsoever.

On second thought. I'm pretty sure they aren't using the phrase "enlargement matrix".

The military now knows who is on the island. The general says bomb it any way because it's too dangerous.

Leach boy is feeling sick. I wonder if he'll die or if he'll save the day as the 50 foot eco-avenger. I wonder if he'll have to eat enough to assimilate the extra mass.

They got to the helicopter left by the military guy that bought it earlier... must have been while I was making dinner.

Oh, no! The giant Komodo is back. They can't reach the helicopter. And don't forget that the military is on the way to bomb the island.

Oh, the heroic Jerry, otherwise known as leach-boy is distracting Komodo... instead of honoring his sacrifice by saving themselves they are going to try to save him. Cobra arrives... Jerry is EATEN!

The Komodo and Cobra commence battle!

The helicopter won't start! Wait... they try something.

The bombers arrive!

The helicopter escapes!

The bombs destroy both Komodo and Cobra!

And the evil plan of the military is revealed because the reporter got her camera out!

Happy day. The island doesn't look very destroyed though. LOL... one of the dead guys just woke up with snake eyes and a forked tongue.

So... should I watch the sci-fi original Sabertooth next? It's incredibly tempting. ;-)


Anonymous Beth* A. said...

This was great -lol! Thanks for the levity today - much too serious a week.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Synova said...

Glad I could brighten your day. :-)

I didn't end up watching Sabertooth. Despite a somewhat promising start it quickly went flat. I think that the difference was that the standard group of assorted tasty morsels had nothing to do with the Sabertooth, no connection, so it was hard to care.

The tasty morsels in Komodo vs. Cobra had all done something. It's not that any off them deserved to be lunch, but they didn't passively wander onto the set. They wandered on with purpose.

Ack... now I'm in analyst mode.

6:23 PM  

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