Sunday, February 03, 2008

WIP - pt 4

4 Comments:

Blogger Ymarsakar said...

I liked how you use some of the body language in the descriptions.

At the very back of her mind was what would happen when the government arrived. They'd be concerned with contamination as well, and not simply biological or chemical. So far she could claim that her three youngest had had no contact worth worrying about. Separating both Jesse and Ruth from the others as soon as possible could only help her convince their rescuers to take the younger kids home.

Is that why she didn't tell her younger children about the pictures?

Angela's sweet and angelic children took the opportunity to write "Turn Back Or Die" on the flat surface of a rock with human blood.

I liked that line from the other part.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Synova said...

"Is that why she didn't tell her younger children about the pictures?"

Yes. It wasn't to not scare them, but because she didn't want them stuck in quarantine. Her biggest goal after getting them *out* is going to be keeping herself and the kids who end up with her on the inside in control of their situation, which will mean that she is going to try to get and hold much more control of what is going on than people are going to want her to have.

"Turn Back or Die"

My kids made a sign like this, not with blood, but on a piece of plywood and put it on a walking path... but their handwriting was bad and it came out, "Turn Back Ordie!"

It became a family joke... poor Ordie!

7:42 PM  
Blogger Synova said...

Oh, I should say that I feel this is a reasonable concern for Angela to have right off the bat. Because she's one "do it yourself dental surgery book short of a survivalist" (or something like that.)

She trusts the military more than she'd trust civilians because she does see the aliens as a serious potential threat and civilians will react in unpredictable ways, she feels they value the wrong things, but she thinks in terms of her own responsibility for her own freedom and she knows that the "right" priorities aren't going to be at all worried about what happens to one person and her kids.

The *first* thing in her head is going to be the larger conceptual picture of how who can be trusted to put security first and who can she best manipulate... and she understands military power structure and limitations... and ambitions.

Because she really does think that way. She's probably got a stash of weapons and survival gear locked up in her basement and when she drives through the mountains she gazes longingly at the little cabins and wonders if the surrounding meadows could actually support enough garden to take a person through the winter until the passes clear of snow.

Usually the answer is "no".

7:52 PM  
Blogger Ymarsakar said...

She trusts the military more than she'd trust civilians because she does see the aliens as a serious potential threat and civilians will react in unpredictable ways, she feels they value the wrong things, but she thinks in terms of her own responsibility for her own freedom and she knows that the "right" priorities aren't going to be at all worried about what happens to one person and her kids.

If you put in a narrative incident before the pictures arrived, about her previous background experience with the military and the civilian hierarchy, I think that would increase the atmosphere and mood for the story and the characters.

Whenever I read any stories set in the modern world, the first thing I'm looking for is how close it is to our world and what timeline it is on. One of the things that bugged me about Tinker was that the author just wouldn't explain what the heck was going on with all the new fangled terms and objects until after the action.

The most interest I have is in the character sketches. That is why I like Legends of Galactic Heroes, Naruto, and Bleach. They are all drama and war anime in that they portray human nature in conflict. Personal conflict, galatic conflict, whatever.

So I'm far more interested in how a character thinks than what he is doing, what the plot is, or even what the background situation is.

Bad character profiles and bad character development in Wheel of Time, couldn't make up for detailed world and plot and magic stuff.

Every writer has their own mix, if only because they go with the format they have most practiced with. Both Eric Flint and John Ringo have distinct styles concerning dialogue for Flint and character profiles for John Ringo.

John Ringo, for example, likes knockout bombshells that are lethal with firearms and martial arts. Seen in... well countless examples. Despreaux in March Upcountry is his character, is my best guess.

Eric Flint has a tad of that revolutionary touch with his union roots, so whenever he talks about oppression and the aristocratic class, he sounds very familiar to anyone that has read his other character dialogues on the same subject. Notably Crown of Slaves and 1632.

5:08 AM  

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