"People?"
"Maybe we're in denial, too." Jesse smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "On the way back, though, we decided that "people" was the best word to use."
Angela thought about it. "I think you're right."
People. She could deal with people, no problem.
Comments
I've noticed the same thing, although for different reasons, from Fel's Alpha Project. There's something about internal character thought as you try to move the plot along, that prevents a smooth transition.
Specifically, there's no background thought that the character starts off with. I don't really get the sense of what they believe they are accomplishing while camping, that gets smashed and overturned when they find the surprise. Even if it is just a feeling contentment.
I also sometimes get lost as to who the narrator is. Oftentimes it seems to be one of the characters, while at other times it seems to be third party.
In order for the sudden death panic reaction to make sense to me, there has to be more background for the characters on their goals in life and expectations. Otherwise there doesn't seem to be any reason why they would react the way they are reacting. There is nothing for me to judge by, concerning their previous experiences with crisis.
The part about the children becomes more suspenseful if the narration pumps it up as an exciting trip from the children's viewpoint, explaining their wishes and their hopes for doing what they did. Then when surprise and Murphy hits, the drama is more intense because we can visualize or imagine the inner conflict between the pre 9/11 sentimentality and the post 9/11 mentality. To use one metaphor.
When I read books and stuff, I don't really get an instant sense of what is right or wrong or what. I need more time. But more than that, it is that I need events in the narration to empower me to ask questions. Questions about what a character wants. Questions about what a character holds dear. Questions about the strength of a character's... character.
Such things and questions don't come about unless I see some challenges and plot twists/events. So it is hard for me to figure out what the characterization of the actors are, when the plot hasn't been developed enough.
Whatever criticisms or remarks I offer, are thus incomplete by necessity although not desire.